From Heathcliff´s mind

If I could grow wings I’d love to fly away, far, really far…to a place were I could live without paying attention to whom I’m hurting or stepping into…If I could have wings…
But I don’t have them, therefore I have to survive every day in an environment that definitely does not accept me and in which I’ll never be able to be part of, because they won’t let me. I’ll be forever a second class friend, always feeling sorry for what I am or what I do, sorry for being alive and for wasting their oxygen. But that is not fair, I don’t know if I deserve it, maybe I do…I am by far a really disgusting person or, lets put it this way, I have a disgusting personality that will never click with them and because of this I have to ask for forgiveness. Excuse me for trying this hard, it was not my intension to be in the middle of your mighty plan, for irrupting like the way I did in your peaceful world, for not being able to accept thing you do consider normal and correct.
Next time I promise I won’t interfere, I’ll look somewhere else and smile like I know, actually I’m an expert acting like I don’t care about what goes on around me…I’m a natural. It has always being like this, and actually when I was younger and depressed I used to enjoy being in the middle, I use to tell myself that doing this at least people would notice I was alive, but I don’t care anymore, I’ve learn the lesson…
I’m too empathic to do this anymore; I can’t see others around me suffering because I exist…
I’m strong, everybody can see that, I am a rock, and rocks don’t feel pain, I’m an island, and an island never cries… it took me so much time to create this wall around me that now that I don’t want it I can’t turn it down. But my image to the world is not a true one tough; it’s just illusion and I’m bleeding form my inside. But don’t worry, I’ll never let my dirt reach you…you are safe. I used to ground my power on my friends but I can’t do that anymore, now I’m taking the power from my own resources and I’m getting week but don’t worry I’ll never let non of this shit reach you, you have a duty, that is to be happy and bring happiness to everybody around you because that is what you do best, I’ll make sure I bring them despair because that is what I do best and it is what they already expect from me.
I’ll cry myself to sleep every night if I need to but I’ll be ok.